Boss Slams Writing as Too Simple. My Friend Circles Back with a Paradigm-Focused Deliverable
My friend Slides absolutely loves her new job, following a painful layoff earlier this year. So, when she sent me a 911 text, I immediately headed out to meet her.
“Your manager told you WHAT?” I asked. “You’re a terrific writer. I don’t understand this at all.”
“It’s not about being a good writer,” she replied. “It’s about fitting in. Her version of fitting in.”
Slides handed me her phone, and I read the response from her boss. She wasn’t kidding. Slides’ manager 100% hated her writing — and for all the wrong reasons. Here’s what she had to say:
Re: Project Proposal
Hi Slides,
I know we’ve already touched base on this, but your bespoke email to the management team is far from a next-level differentiator. I’m glad I asked to calibrate our storytelling before you hit send.
I wanted this to be a quick win for you, since you just joined the team and this project seemed like low-hanging fruit. I don’t want to boil the ocean here, but you really need to circle back, rework the messaging and future-proof the narrative.
Right now, it just doesn’t move the needle — the tone is overly simplified and not delivering the executive-level polish we need. I need your words to unlock value and feel transformationally disruptive, not just baseline operational. You know what I mean?
Please optimize this deliverable and let’s sync up later today to drive alignment and finalize the roadmap.
Thanks.
“Wow, now I get it,” I said. “She wants your writing crammed with business jargon to sound smart.”
“Check.”
“But if her own writing is any indication, it will sound far from smart,” I continued.
“Check.”
“If you do what she wants, you risk your own reputation,” I added.
“Check.”
“What do you plan to do?”
“I don’t think I have much choice,” Slides said. “I just started at the company, and she hired me. So, if I don’t do it her way, I won’t get very far. I might even lose my job.”
“I think I just have to rewrite the email to sound more like what she wants. For all I know, the whole company may think writing like this is smart. Either way, she’s waiting for a response.”
“Need any help?” I offered.
“Nope,” she said. “I have a plan. I’ll program hundreds of examples of modern business jargon into my AI chatbot. Then, I’ll have it rewrite my note to feel like what she wants. It’s only four paragraphs, so it should be easy.”
With that, she hunched over her phone and started working furiously. She generated a list of 300 current-day business-jargon phrases, entered them into the chatbot, and told the AI brain to lace her original email liberally with the jargon. The result was truly astounding.
Original email:
Project Proposal
Hi All,
Our team has been asked to launch a new project to assess our overall employee response to the five-day-a-week mandatory return-to-office (RTO) policy announced last month. As you know, this initiative removes the ability for employees to work two days a week remotely.
Anecdotal evidence, such as the 10-foot-tall graffiti spray-painted on our headquarters entrance stating “RTO, YOU BLOW!” suggests some level of unhappiness with the new policy. A TikTok video depicting our CEO mounting our collective workforce — portrayed as a large, bleating sheep — from behind also suggests disdain for management’s direction.
To determine whether such communication reflects our employees’ feelings about the RTO policy quantitatively or whether it overstates the level of unhappiness, we propose to field an anonymous employee poll, which will run over the course of one week. We will compile the results and share them with you.
In the meantime, the graffiti has been removed from the front entrance, though the word “BLOW!” was done in heavy red spray paint and can still be seen in some lighting conditions. Venetian marble specialists are being flown in direct from Italy as of this writing.
Please share any thoughts on the project as outlined above.
Thanks,
Slides
The AI rewrite:
Strategic RTO Sentiment Alignment Initiative — Proposal for Cross-Functional Execution
Hi All,
In alignment with our Day 1 mentality and commitment to operational excellence, our team has been tasked with standing up a workstream to deep dive into employee sentiment analytics tied to the recently mandated five-day-a-week RTO motion. This initiative is not just a policy pivot; it’s a mission-critical inflection point for our future-proof culture strategy.
While some anecdotal inputs — such as the 10-foot “RTO, YOU BLOW!” graffiti on the HQ’s Venetian marble façade — have provided us with early signal vs. noise, we need to unpack whether this is truly reflective of broad workforce alignment or just a loud micro-cohort of disengaged stakeholders. Similarly, the viral TikTok activation depicting our CEO engaging in an unflattering metaphorical sheep-mounting use case further underscores the urgency to get ahead of the narrative and ensure we control the story arc.
To move the needle, we propose deploying a frictionless, anonymous, one-week pulse survey to capture actionable insights and establish a single source of truth around employee perception. This will allow us to cascade findings, socialize results with key stakeholders, and circle back with a next-level POV that will ultimately unlock value across the org.
Please note: While our tiger team has already initiated a remediation sprint on the graffiti, some residual red spray-paint artifacts are still visible in certain lighting conditions. We will double-click on marble specialists to ensure a five-nines quality resolution.
Next steps: Let’s cascade any feedback on this proposal by EOD Monday so we can synchronize swim lanes, finalize the roadmap, and land the plane.
Thanks in advance for leaning in on this transformative opportunity to redefine employee experience KPIs in a post-pandemic RTO paradigm.
Synergistically yours,
Slides
“That’s truly awful,” I told Slides after reading the AI-generated rewrite.
“Yep,” she said. “Just what she’s gonna want.”
“There. Sent it.”
“If that’s what writing has become, I worry for the future of the English language,” I said. “I can’t imagine what Papa Hemingway or even Shakespeare would think if they…”
“Hang on,” Slides said. “Incoming from my manager.”
It read:
Re: Strategic RTO Sentiment Alignment Initiative — Proposal for Cross-Functional Execution
Hi Slides,
This deliverable is now a true next-level differentiator — a real value-add that aligns with our North Star metric of driving cultural synergies across the org. Let’s circle back tomorrow for a deep dive to double-click on a few areas where we can unlock incremental value and ensure stakeholder alignment.
You’ve really captured the essence of our culture narrative and positioned us to move the needle. With a few final polish sprints, we’ll be ready to operationalize this project, activate the roadmap, and land the plane at speed.
Thanks again for leaning in.
“That’s terrific, Slides,” I said. “I suppose this represents a true paradigm shift in your relationship.”
“Thanks, Rusty. Let’s circle back offline once my email hits!”